That moment I went under marks a dividing line in my life, pre-apnea and post-apnea. In some ways, it marks a boundary between two different people. I look different, I feel different... I am different. It had been my great hope that this surgery would be life-altering, and though it didn't happen all at once, slowly it is revealed to be.
Changes and Signs
Some of the changes in me are overt, others more subtle. There was one physical change I wasn't even aware of until someone pointed it out a couple weeks ago. Was having drinks with an old coworker I hadn't seen since before surgery when I was told that my 'raccoon eyes' were greatly reduced from what he remembered--i.e., the dark circles around my eyes that had been the norm for me for years; I simply accepted them as part of my appearance for the longest time. After he said that, I looked in the mirror and he's right--the darkness is nearly gone. Forget sleep studies; in some ways that's the surest sign that I've gotten much better, higher-quality sleep since surgery, even if it's still not as much as I'd like.
There are other signs as well. I dream a lot more. I fall asleep easier and fall back asleep after waking up more easily. Never mind the simple fact I no longer have apnea or need a CPAP machine; I don't wake up with air blowing in face around a leaking seal or rushing air out my mouth, I don't have a pinched nose or nostril from a mask that doesn't quite fit, or get up with a foul smell in my mask or nose from water that's been sitting heating in the CPAP tub too long.
What else can I say? Except that it's wonderful. It's incredible. And this surgery made it possible. I'm getting more energy, more drive... and now my life begins anew; I can make plans again. For the longest time... surgery *was* the plan. Now new possibilities are opened up to me and I can finally get on with the rest of my life.
A couple of other people saw me for the first time since surgery this past weekend. One commented on how different I looked with a more pronounced chin, another on how much weight I'd lost and how trim I looked. So far, that weight is staying off. Gained about three pounds back off my 173-lb nadir, but some of that is because I've resumed gym workouts finally. Have to say, those protein shakes I've been having every morning since surgery never tasted so good as after a gym workout.
Braces off, braces on!
I also got my braces off last week... for all of one day. Then new ones went on; these designed to correct my bite instead of just hold my teeth in place. Surgery, it appears, did have one not-so-beneficial side effect; it exaggerated my existing jaw issues and left me with a worsened crossbite and teeth that otherwise don't quite mesh. Accordingly, my eating instructions are that I can chew, just not all the way--don't bring your teeth into contact since that will put pressure on an unaligned and still-healing jaw. That said, I can eat most things now even without the ability to use my molars to grind. The things I still have trouble with are beef and raw fruits/vegetables; but I can eat stir-fries, chicken, even burgers at this point because I can bite most of the way through.
Honestly, you have no idea how wonderful that first burger tasted. Went to a local Char-Grill place, and I was in heaven. Tipped them $10 for that one sandwich.
Another side effect...
One other beneficial surgical side effect has been confirmed, however--my gag reflex was greatly lessened. Dr. Jelic said he'd seen that before, and it happened with me. The reason I know is because when they put the new braces on, I was able to take that tool I wasn't before; the one that pries your mouth and lips open far enough to get braces on your back molars. It went in and I tolerated it without a problem this time. I was also surprised by the fact that the new braces didn't really hurt. They gave me ibuprofin, but I didn't need it. I figured I'd have a sore mouth for a couple days, but nothing really. I'll take it. That one day of freedom from braces was nice. Ate some popcorn!
In short...
All is well. I'm happy. Everything has worked out or is working out, if not as cleanly or as rapidly as I would like. I got most of what I wanted out of surgery, and a couple happy bonuses to boot. I wish I didn't have to be in braces for another year, but you know what? Compared to what I've already been through and where I came from, I'm not going to complain at all.
So where do I go from here? Forward. Strengthen my jaw, go through my orthodontic regimen, continue to work on my sleep habits and getting more sleep. I'm getting better, and the new bedding and mattress has helped, but let's face it--I've got *years* of sleep deprivation to undo at this point. I've fixed the apnea, I've fixed the environmental issues more or less, so now let's work on sleep habits and a few other things I've been meaning to do with my life and my home.
I'll end this post with the same words I said before surgery. I'm ready. Let's do this. Life, let's go.
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