A week to go...

I can't say I'm really getting nervous yet, but I'm starting to think about it more. Days like today, when I'm tired all day after not getting enough sleep (in other words, a usual day), remind me of why I'm doing this.

My typical night goes like this right now: Go to bed at around 11:30, take anywhere from twenty minutes to an hour to fall asleep. It's rarely quick for me, and I envy those who can fall asleep in just a few minutes. Hard to get comfortable with the mask, and there are invariably these ferocious little itches under it I have to scratch--particularly if I don't shower or at least splash water on my face first. Wake up 5 or 6 hours later tossing and turning, struggling to get fall back asleep. Sometimes I'm succeed, but usually I don't. Usually give up by 7 and get up. My average sleep--around 5-6 hours. On a bad night, 3 or 4. On a good night? I might get 7 or very rarely 8, but I usually can't reach that without chemical help, and that has its own drawbacks. I don't take sleep pills more than once every other week or so to make sure I don't get dependent and to minimize the inevitable rebound insomnia.

Sometimes, if I wake up soon enough--like 3 or 4 or so--I can fall back asleep after an hour or two of tossing and turning. I can also get up and work on the computer for a bit, give my nose a break from the mask. Rarely, I'll pop an Intermezzo pill (low-dose Ambien) so I can get at least couple hours more, but that leaves me hung over all morning.

One odd thing... the nasal pillows I typically use irritate my left nostril. Not my right, just my left, which I think is the product of a slightly skewed nose. My other masks aren't any better. My nasal mask irritates the bridge of my nose, leaving an angry red mark there (I can't loosen it or it loses the air seal), while my full face mask, which I only pull out when I'm stuffed up from a cold, is very hard to keep a seal without keeping it uncomfortably tight, and pinches when I lay on my side. I alternate every couple weeks between the nasal pillows and nasal mask to try to give my irritation a chance to subside in one spot while it flares in another. It's kind of no-win.

So yeah, sleep right now is just a long series of trade-offs for me. You don't know what I would give to just be able to nap or sleep in again, which is almost impossible for me right now. But in a week, hopefully I will be able to...?

It's like I told Dr. Jelic at my last appointment: I can take the pain, I can take the inconvenience, the liquid diet, the long recovery... as long as I'm free of the mask.

I just want to sleep again.